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31 May 2006 @ 10:17 pm

Fuck it. Just fuck it.

I can’t believe I slept with her again. Last time, I freaked out the night after. I’m getting freaked out again, and it hasn’t even been twelve hours. This is exactly why I said it couldn’t happen again.

This whole situation with Cameron makes me think of the years when it was just me an my mum. She knew I wouldn’t fight her, so she didn’t bother to hide her drinking from me. She’d tell me to make her cocktails, and I would, even though I didn’t want to. She’d tell me to open the bottles when she was too drunk to open them herself, and every time I’d decide that I wouldn’t do it. But then she’d push me, even the slightest little bit, and I would. It was easier. Because she didn’t cry when she was drunk. She liked me when she was drunk. I was a good son when she was drunk. I let her drink herself to death because it was easier for me to deal with than denying her.

The reason Cameron called me the first time is because she knew I’d do what she wanted. She knew I was attracted to her, and she was high and wanted to have sex so she called me. Robert Chase, the man with no spine, who’ll do anything if you ask him twice.

Was last night a repeat? Did she call me knowing that I’d sleep with her? Or did she really want the company and then decide that she’d sleep with me? Or did the sex just happen?

Fuck. The sex didn’t just happen. I mean, I wasn’t even ambivalent about sleeping with her…I wasn’t going to sleep with her. I definitely wasn’t going to sleep with her. I came over because she was upset and she said I was her only friend and I think she might be my only friend in this city, too, and you should be there for your friends. But I wasn’t going to have sex with her, because last time I freaked out afterward. But she wanted it, and I caved. And now it’s going to be awkward.

I hate this. I’m such a pussy.

25 May 2006 @ 05:30 pm
It's Thursday, and I always vacuum on Thursday. It's good for the carpet. Especially this week, since there are little black cat hairs all over everything. So anyway...Thursday=vacuuming.

Well, I turned on the vacuum and Teeter freaked. His hair stood straight up and he froze...you would have sworn he was a stuffed animal. When I went over to see him, he squealed and ran to hide behind the fridge. He's still there, actually.

So I guess it's been a traumatic week for both of us. At least House won't be shot every Tuesday. I suppose that gives me an advantage over the cat. My shoulder still hurts from pushing Cameron out the door. I hope I didn't hurt her.

And I guess Teeter has to get over the vacuum thing eventually. Maybe there's some way to train him not to freak.
21 May 2006 @ 07:44 pm
The parking lot for my apartment building is about half a block away from the building itself, and to get to the building from the lot, I have to walk past a small alley way. Last night, on my way back from work, I heard something crying in the alley. Upon further investigation, it was a shoebox in the dumpster that was making all the noise, or more specifically--the kittens inside of it.

So I brought them back to my place, skinned them, and ate them for dinner.

I'm kidding, of course. I took them to the vet and (after he gave them their shots) called Cameron, since she'd been thinking about getting cats. Long story short, she now has two kittens. I kept one of them.

I call mine Teeter--he's completely black and has quite the attitude. Thankfully, I'm fairly certain that he likes me. He's a real attention hog but that works for us, since he and I are the only ones in the apartment. Also, he's already caught on to the litter box idea. I'm incredibly pleased.

Honestly, I never thought I'd be a cat person. But now that I have one, I don't see why I thought I wouldn't like it.
Current Mood: relaxedrelaxed
18 May 2006 @ 08:17 pm
So here it is...the journal of Robert Chase.

If my friends at home knew I was keeping a diary, they'd murder me.